Sunday Class

We had a full-day Sunday class this week (on top of still having our reg. Thurs class) and I have to say going in to it we weren't all that excited to go in on a Sunday for 7 straight hours of training. However, shortly after class began we knew we were in for tons of much needed information. Not half an hour after settling in to class we had to view a harsh video on signs of child abuse. It was very difficult to see how these tiny little beings had been mistreated by the people in their lives who were supposed to protect and nurture them. Instead of being raised up and encouraged they were degraded and malnourished. Instead of receiving hugs they received blows. When they should have been learning to crawl toward someone and receive praise - they were learning to merely survive and crawl away to hide from any form of abuse in their lives. That was hard to see... It was hard to imagine. I cannot fathom being in a situation where there is no choice and no way out, where there are no "big people" to hold you and to keep you safe...where mommies give you boo-boos instead of kissing them.

That video and Session was difficult, but nothing compared to the other one we had to view. Its funny because the second video was only words on a screen. Words from children who were in foster care. Asking us the tough questions about what we are prepared for. I was was trying to hold in the sound while I tried to make out the letters through my tear-filled eyes. To hear (see) the feelings of a child when they are removed from the only people who "love" them, taken to a place they have never been and to people they have never met, required to follow new rules, expected to just "fit in" to a new family while driving themselves crazy wondering what happened to their mommy and daddy and brothers and sisters and why these big men in uniform came and took them away. To see that they are doing everything they can think to do to push you away and keep you from loving them, just to see them say at the end "Can't you see I want you to love me?". It's amazing to me how different foster children are from "normal" children, yet just the same. They crave love and attention and want your praise and approval - while "normal" children will outright ask or tell you thats what they need - and foster children do everything to make you believe they do not want those things, but are trying to send the same message? They just don't have the same ways of delivering it.

We learned in that class the most common forms of child abuse and the signs to watch for if we think a child might be in harms way. We learned all of the terrible things the agency has seen first hand with children who have come into foster care. I personally was just dumbfounded about the many ways (crazy ways) a person can think up to cause harm to a child.

We also got our First Aid and CPR training Monday evening. It was really a great class. At first I thought "man this lady is crazy!" because there was no holding back in her descriptions of injuries and bodily functions, but as the class went on I really came to like her :) She was truly preparing us for the worst that's for sure! :) She did a really great job teaching us hands on and we are thankful to have this training under our belt...

We only have our physical exams to get and then our application process is over! We will then need the home study completed (where someone comes to examine your home) and then we are ready! I cannot believe we are almost there! I am SO excited! I know the Lord has great things lined up for us and the children we care for. I just know we will look back at the end of our lives and thank God for all the things we have learned and been a part of by making foster care a part of our lives. Thank you God for your awesomeness!!! :)

Love you all!
~Amanda

What else is there to say...

2 out of 90 fathers who have sexually abused their child(ren) are prosecuted...................TWO...

Forms Galore!

Well, this past class was just going over the required forms we have to fill out prior to becoming foster parents... There are over 40 pages - most of which are front and back. Plus we have to handwrite/type a biography-like paper, answering all the questions outlined in one form - asking us everything in detail from our favorite childhood memory, to if our life has been affected by abuse, substance abuse or alcoholism to name a few. When we were filling out some of the forms that ask us which type of child would best fit into our home environment we were brought to tears a couple of times. From physical and sexual abuse to genetic diseases and ADHD. There were close to 100 "problems" on this list that a child may have when they come to our home. It was extremely saddening to see what all a child may have experienced at such a young age. It really humbles you and makes you realize all the blessings you have and all the things to be thankful for just to be healthy and safe.

Class #2!

We attended our second training class Thursday evening. We got to meet a few new people and get to know some of their personal reasons for choosing to become foster parents. This week we started looking into what kinds of behavior we may see in the children we foster. We were asked by the instructor to say aloud what kinds of behaviors we think we can handle or that would be accepted best in our family environment. Most everyone, including us, were pretty much fine with the basic expectations of acting out, shying away, being slow developmentally or not able to voice their needs or concerns to the adults in their "new home" environment. I mean that is to be expected. Ourselves and a few other couples in the room voiced that we thought we would be able to also work with mild to moderately autistic children as well if that came up, and maybe some learning disabilities too. Well we have started to kind of realize that (in the nicest way possible...) you do not have to be the most intelligent individual or couple to become foster parents. Let's just say we don't expect everyone in the class with us to make it to the graduation since they seem to be expecting an honor student or model child to come into their home. But then again I suppose that is why there is a training class - to inform us all what we really will be getting into. My husband and I firmly believe that each child will have gone through a vast amount of pain and emotional damage - if not all from their bio family, a lot of it will be from being taken away from the only people they knew and shuffled around and placed with a new set of people who have different ways of life or different rules or different religions or whatever the case may be. To not know when your next meal will be or if you will have uninterrupted sleep or if you will go from a bad situation into a worse one - I would have to say that is an unimaginable fear they must experience. However, with time, love, patience, and structure - they will begin to thrive and learn and open up. This is the second goal of foster parenting. The first being to reunify the child(ren) with their parent(s).

When we were reading aloud our responses to the questions the instructor had asked us to answer about ourselves - we each had to tell what we thought would be best for our family as far as the "type" of child we would welcome into our homes. With most of the answers being the same, we came to one lady who stood to say she would like a child who would have a good attitude and good social skills. I promise every person in the room just looked right at her like "Ummm WHAT?!?!?!" The instructor quickly said "So, let me get this straight - you want a child with good social skills that is in foster care?" And the lady responded that yes, she would really appreciate that. I think she really didn't get the point to that exercise.... Anyway she also went on to say that she had a grandbaby that was a little girl and if that child didn't get along with her little girl then that child would have to go - because her little granddaughter was their baby and most important. That was probably a scary answer to all of the rest of us. I personally was wondering what the lady was looking for... and also if she went into the whole foster parent thing welcome a child into her home with conditions and levels for the child to "measure up to" then what would happen if they didn't meet those requirements? Not to mention if a child was put in a home where they were told or it was made known to them that the biological child was more important than they were and that they were expected to always treat that child as if they were on a pedestal - what would that do to that child's self-worth and self-esteem? What kind of emotional defect would that cause on a developing child? Oh Lordy....