Finally had our home study!!!

Yay! We finally had our home study tonight! It lasted 2 1/2 hours. It was a lot less nerve wrecking than we initially anticipated it would be. But it feels really good to have it out of the way. We went ahead and had them send in our paperwork for licensing to adopt as well just so that if it does come to that some day then we are already prepped and ready to go and it will be a smooth transition for all of us involved. We don't anticipate adoption in any near future - so don't freak out if you are one of those few people in our life who are rooting for that to happen :) We feel at this time our calling and our family's abilities are in line with foster parenting and not adoption. The Lord will guide us in the right direction as he has always done. We are so happy to have this part of the process over with. Now all we do is wait (once again...) to get our license and then after that we are an "open home" !!!
~Amanda

Just the beginning...

Hey everyone,

If you are keeping up with our blog you know we haven't posted in a while... mostly because not a lot has happened. Until last week we really hadn't heard anything from the agency and didn't really know what was going on. Last Wednesday we heard from them and it was a bit nerve wrecking what they had to tell us. Apparently the state wants to try and take on handling ESC (emergency shelter care) cases themselves and is refusing to sign the contract with the agency to handle ESC. So basically since we are signed up for ESC (as well as normal foster care) we had to make a choice whether to hang in there with the agency and potentially wait 6 months to a year to have a child in our home, or go ahead and switch over to going through the state's system. After hearing this I was really discouraged and after talking with Brian we couldn't come up with a decision right away... We both disagreed on what choice to make. On one hand I was thinking "how selfish would it be if we were to stay with the agency just to wait 6 months to a year, and how many children could we have been helping in that time frame with the state?" I thought it would be selfish to stay with the agency. However on the other hand, Brian was thinking "How selfish would it be for us to go with the state just so we could care for more children more quickly?" We were at opposite ends of the spectrum, but only had 24 hours to make a decision. We went to bed without resolving anything and just prayed that God would help us to sleep on it and think more clearly in the morning. So, when we woke up that next morning we both knew what we should do - and we decided it would be in the best interest of our family and any child(ren) we would care for if we remained at the agency. We decided this because we will have support, therapy, ongoing training, networking nights, etc. that we would never have with the state. We feel as though staying with the agency will allow us to be the best foster parents (and bio parents) we can be. We can't imagine doing this without support and involvement with the other people in each child's life. The state has so much going on, and now they are trying to save money by taking on ESC themselves. It really is sad that they do not see that the well being of children is worth a little more out of the bank. Instead I am sure they are purchasing new leather office chairs. Who knows. We believe we made the right decision and are trusting that the Lord will guide and provide throughout all of this. When the timing is right we will be blessed with a call or a knock on the door and a child in our home. And we are trusting/hoping it won't be 6 months :(

On another note - we did get an email from the agency telling us that our file was completed and had been sent in for a homestudy. We were told we would get a call to schedule the homestudy by the beginning of this week. Well it's Tuesday and still no call. After tomorrow afternoon I will be contacting them. Out of respect for them they are extremely busy, but we need to keep our names fresh in their minds so they think of us and do not put us to the side or forget about us. We want them to know we are dedicated to this and that we will do whatever it takes on our part to make sure we are able to help as many children as possible.

~Amanda

Sunday Class

We had a full-day Sunday class this week (on top of still having our reg. Thurs class) and I have to say going in to it we weren't all that excited to go in on a Sunday for 7 straight hours of training. However, shortly after class began we knew we were in for tons of much needed information. Not half an hour after settling in to class we had to view a harsh video on signs of child abuse. It was very difficult to see how these tiny little beings had been mistreated by the people in their lives who were supposed to protect and nurture them. Instead of being raised up and encouraged they were degraded and malnourished. Instead of receiving hugs they received blows. When they should have been learning to crawl toward someone and receive praise - they were learning to merely survive and crawl away to hide from any form of abuse in their lives. That was hard to see... It was hard to imagine. I cannot fathom being in a situation where there is no choice and no way out, where there are no "big people" to hold you and to keep you safe...where mommies give you boo-boos instead of kissing them.

That video and Session was difficult, but nothing compared to the other one we had to view. Its funny because the second video was only words on a screen. Words from children who were in foster care. Asking us the tough questions about what we are prepared for. I was was trying to hold in the sound while I tried to make out the letters through my tear-filled eyes. To hear (see) the feelings of a child when they are removed from the only people who "love" them, taken to a place they have never been and to people they have never met, required to follow new rules, expected to just "fit in" to a new family while driving themselves crazy wondering what happened to their mommy and daddy and brothers and sisters and why these big men in uniform came and took them away. To see that they are doing everything they can think to do to push you away and keep you from loving them, just to see them say at the end "Can't you see I want you to love me?". It's amazing to me how different foster children are from "normal" children, yet just the same. They crave love and attention and want your praise and approval - while "normal" children will outright ask or tell you thats what they need - and foster children do everything to make you believe they do not want those things, but are trying to send the same message? They just don't have the same ways of delivering it.

We learned in that class the most common forms of child abuse and the signs to watch for if we think a child might be in harms way. We learned all of the terrible things the agency has seen first hand with children who have come into foster care. I personally was just dumbfounded about the many ways (crazy ways) a person can think up to cause harm to a child.

We also got our First Aid and CPR training Monday evening. It was really a great class. At first I thought "man this lady is crazy!" because there was no holding back in her descriptions of injuries and bodily functions, but as the class went on I really came to like her :) She was truly preparing us for the worst that's for sure! :) She did a really great job teaching us hands on and we are thankful to have this training under our belt...

We only have our physical exams to get and then our application process is over! We will then need the home study completed (where someone comes to examine your home) and then we are ready! I cannot believe we are almost there! I am SO excited! I know the Lord has great things lined up for us and the children we care for. I just know we will look back at the end of our lives and thank God for all the things we have learned and been a part of by making foster care a part of our lives. Thank you God for your awesomeness!!! :)

Love you all!
~Amanda

What else is there to say...

2 out of 90 fathers who have sexually abused their child(ren) are prosecuted...................TWO...

Forms Galore!

Well, this past class was just going over the required forms we have to fill out prior to becoming foster parents... There are over 40 pages - most of which are front and back. Plus we have to handwrite/type a biography-like paper, answering all the questions outlined in one form - asking us everything in detail from our favorite childhood memory, to if our life has been affected by abuse, substance abuse or alcoholism to name a few. When we were filling out some of the forms that ask us which type of child would best fit into our home environment we were brought to tears a couple of times. From physical and sexual abuse to genetic diseases and ADHD. There were close to 100 "problems" on this list that a child may have when they come to our home. It was extremely saddening to see what all a child may have experienced at such a young age. It really humbles you and makes you realize all the blessings you have and all the things to be thankful for just to be healthy and safe.

Class #2!

We attended our second training class Thursday evening. We got to meet a few new people and get to know some of their personal reasons for choosing to become foster parents. This week we started looking into what kinds of behavior we may see in the children we foster. We were asked by the instructor to say aloud what kinds of behaviors we think we can handle or that would be accepted best in our family environment. Most everyone, including us, were pretty much fine with the basic expectations of acting out, shying away, being slow developmentally or not able to voice their needs or concerns to the adults in their "new home" environment. I mean that is to be expected. Ourselves and a few other couples in the room voiced that we thought we would be able to also work with mild to moderately autistic children as well if that came up, and maybe some learning disabilities too. Well we have started to kind of realize that (in the nicest way possible...) you do not have to be the most intelligent individual or couple to become foster parents. Let's just say we don't expect everyone in the class with us to make it to the graduation since they seem to be expecting an honor student or model child to come into their home. But then again I suppose that is why there is a training class - to inform us all what we really will be getting into. My husband and I firmly believe that each child will have gone through a vast amount of pain and emotional damage - if not all from their bio family, a lot of it will be from being taken away from the only people they knew and shuffled around and placed with a new set of people who have different ways of life or different rules or different religions or whatever the case may be. To not know when your next meal will be or if you will have uninterrupted sleep or if you will go from a bad situation into a worse one - I would have to say that is an unimaginable fear they must experience. However, with time, love, patience, and structure - they will begin to thrive and learn and open up. This is the second goal of foster parenting. The first being to reunify the child(ren) with their parent(s).

When we were reading aloud our responses to the questions the instructor had asked us to answer about ourselves - we each had to tell what we thought would be best for our family as far as the "type" of child we would welcome into our homes. With most of the answers being the same, we came to one lady who stood to say she would like a child who would have a good attitude and good social skills. I promise every person in the room just looked right at her like "Ummm WHAT?!?!?!" The instructor quickly said "So, let me get this straight - you want a child with good social skills that is in foster care?" And the lady responded that yes, she would really appreciate that. I think she really didn't get the point to that exercise.... Anyway she also went on to say that she had a grandbaby that was a little girl and if that child didn't get along with her little girl then that child would have to go - because her little granddaughter was their baby and most important. That was probably a scary answer to all of the rest of us. I personally was wondering what the lady was looking for... and also if she went into the whole foster parent thing welcome a child into her home with conditions and levels for the child to "measure up to" then what would happen if they didn't meet those requirements? Not to mention if a child was put in a home where they were told or it was made known to them that the biological child was more important than they were and that they were expected to always treat that child as if they were on a pedestal - what would that do to that child's self-worth and self-esteem? What kind of emotional defect would that cause on a developing child? Oh Lordy....

So, how was it?

We attended our 1st training class last night. While it was 3hrs in a hot, bright, chair-to-chair room - it was encouraging to see and hear the different stories and backgrounds of people who are lending their hearts to such a wonderful "profession". Yes, I said "profession". Our instructor let us know that we will be considered professionals - in a field where we are providing services for the state of Indiana and should be treated as such. So, that was good to hear. I never really thought about it as a "profession", but it is good to hear that we can call it such and not feel guilty for doing so. In the beginning of class we had a meet-and-greet sort of thing where we had to find someone not directly near us (I think we cheated the rules a tad :) haha) and ask them all sorts of questions. We met a mom of 4 older children who was looking to foster age range 6-10. She seemed like a really nice person and just in the few moments of talking with her, we could really tell she was there because she was called to be. Some people in the room I might give a different opinion of, but no one is asking, so I will keep it zipped on that issue. :)

Next we had to watch a video - a very disturbing video for our 1st class I will say. It was about a boy who had been through the foster care system basically his whole life - from the age of 4 when he was taken from his bio parents, to the age of 17 when he committed suicide at the last home he was cared for at. This young man had been in 16 foster homes and 4 group homes by the age of 17... you do the math... Still at the age of 17 he had a bed-wetting problem... Psychiatric problems, etc. It was not until he reached his pre-teens that he experienced a real hug from an adult - and that was provided by a nurse in the hospital he was sent to due to a suicide attempt. You are probably thinking "man this little boy was disturbed..." Well, of course he was, he was taken from his parents and separated from his siblings, moved from home to home because these 'foster parents' couldn't handle the bed-wetting problem, made to work to "earn" his place at certain homes, abused, neglected, made to sleep in a basement with 1 1/2 inches of water on the floor and on a mattress only 1 foot off the floor with a single hanging light bulb above him for light... I'm pretty sure the disturbed individuals in this kids life were the system, the so-called foster parents, the teachers and doctors in and out of his life who over-looked the signals he was sending that he needed help. He wrote a diary, which they read throughout the video, that told his story. This little boy was so articulate with his writing and had so much potential you just wonder why did no one see this? Why did no one take the time to help draw that out of him and help him become the person he knew he was capable of being? (sigh...) But anyway when he finally took his life, his foster father at that time took pictures of his body hanging from the trees in the back yard - while we thought at first "what?!?! what kind of sick person does that?!?!?!" - it was only because of him taking those photos did this little boy's story get attention and did the laws begin to change to protect children in a more efficient manner. So, for a 1st class that was rough!!!

We also learned a few basics of the foster/adopt/kinship differences. Since we are solely interested in foster care at this time, that is what I will probably only discuss in this blog. Like the fact that if an emergency arises and the foster child needs surgery or immediate medical attention - it is the judge and caseworker who decide if treatment is necessary. If the child needs a regular doctor check-up that is a responsibility of the foster parents (obviously). If the child wants to be put on birth control or get a nose piercing or tattoo (something permanent) who would you think would decide yes or no? - the judge or caseworker... Now for the catch 22 - if the foster parent takes the foster child to get a hair cut and the child refuses to get a haircut who would you assume would make that decision? (I was thinking foster parents...) Well, that decision, my dear friends, would be made by the bio parents... that's right - the parents who couldn't take care of the child in the first place - gets to choose whether or not the child gets a haircut!?!??!?!? This is because it gives the parent a small input in the child's life to make them still feel like a parent. Which makes total sense but doesn't make any at the same time... And, so, here we go... And we are diving in head first...
~Amanda

And so it begins... (yay!)

Welcome to our blog! If you are here, most likely you are friends or family supporting our decision to become foster parents. We are going down a new path in life, and God will be by our side each and every moment. Our trail may become rocky, we will stumble at times, but our God is an awesome God and he has a plan for us. With faith, love, support, and open arms we will find ourselves on a smoother path when we are where he intends for us to be.

This Thursday evening will be our first foster parent training class. We are both excited and nervous. Our hearts are filled with wonder and our minds are filled with questions, but we know this is the path we are meant to take. We have already heard criticism and assuming we will hear more, we are prepared to begin our David in the Lions Den adventure. So please check in with us every week, as there will be new info and thoughts for us to share with you! We love you and are so glad you are a part of our lives!!!
Love, The Ewbank family